Those of you who know me will be nodding their heads when you read this. Here it goes: anything that I do, I expect to be successful at. Call it confidence, call it delusion, but it’s the way I operate. I give my all to whatever I do and I expect that if I put time and effort into something I will be, and should be, successful and rewarded.
It’s a good philosophy
It makes me strive to be the best I can be. This is all fine and good unless you’re lacking in the patience department … which I am. I’m a little like Veruca Salt from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, in that “I want it NOW.” The difference between Veruca and me is that I don’t think I really expect things I don’t deserve. I’m not a spoiled brat, just impatient. I don’t like to wait for the rewards because I often lose sight of the big picture while waiting.
In short, I often trip myself up.
What happens if there are hurdles on the track?
There are hurdles everywhere I turn these days and if I’m being honest, which I always try to be, I may be putting a few up myself. Lucky for me, I have some really good people “coaching” me and reminding me that I need to be patient and that becoming a successful author can take years, not months. If you’ve been reading my blogs consistently, or if you know me, you’ll already know that I’m not much of a sit and wait kinda girl. I like do things fast. I’m not “chilled”. I don’t sit back and relax and wait for things to unfold. I wish I could be like that but it’s just not me and it frustrates everyone around me.
Just this morning my husband told me I was getting on his nerves because I’m all over the place and freaking out about what track I should be running on. I even get on my own nerves. I just don’t want to run in the wrong direction, I don’t want to get left behind and I certainly don’t want to come in last place. It’s hard to know what to do when you don’t know where you are going.
So just figure out where you’re going, right?
Here’s the advice I got yesterday, from a trusted source, after I spent way too much time freaking out about my decisions:
It sounds like now would be a good time to ask yourself what you are trying to achieve with your book and how long you are willing to wait to achieve these goals.
The advice was very simple, so I followed it. I did an internal evaluation and thought about these questions. I calmed myself down and ended up deciding to stay on my original course. I also acknowledged the fact that five months ago, I didn’t know whether anyone would ever even read my book. I was forced to acknowledge that I’m about to finish a second book (one that fans are asking for), I’ve been selling the book steadily and I’ve been getting a great response from friends and strangers. It’s all good. It really is.
Getting back on track
I will always want more and I still want it now, but I’m trying to be patient. Like every author who publishes a book, I want to see “bestseller” next to my name. Will it happen? The odds aren’t in my favor but I can dream and I can keep trying to do whatever it takes to make it happen. I’m willing to put in the work and if I don’t succeed, it won’t be from lack of trying.
Part of my process needs to be me telling myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint and that I don’t need to wake up every day hurrying to some self-imposed finish line. I need to tell myself that it really is okay to take my time and do things right. The reality is that I will probably do things even better if I slow down.
So today, I’m not going to be Veruca Salt and demand things right now. I’m going to take a deep breath and believe that it’s okay to run this crazy race at whatever pace works.
Image credit: Samantha Carlson